Doubt

After stopping my medication cold turkey I had a strange sense of awakening. Now I find it hard to believe that I could feel anything. Not that I feel nothing, but Im so indecisive about everything that I find it hard to believe I settled on one emotion.
Im a whirlwind. I doubt everything. EVERYTHING. Who am I? Who is Tom*? What on earth are we doing together? Am I really doubting Tom and I or am I sub consciously finding ways to ruin it so that its me causing the hurt and not recieving it? Have I changed? Has he changed? Would life really be better if I were back 'home'? Do I really miss home or am I longing for something familiar? Or am I longing for something different from my daily routine? Why am I so much more fun down there? Is it because Im happier down there? Is it because I put on an act down there? If so, why do I put on an act? Am I more unhappy down there? Do the bad memories really affect me that much? Do they even still affect me? Am I so scared of not having them define me that I purposly think about them?  Am I horrible to him? Or is he such an arse hole that he makes me beloieve that it's all me? Is it a problem that he has that habit that I don't like? Does it really affect someones personality? Does it? Should I put in more effort at work? Should I leave? Should I stop being a twat and accept that things are the way they are?

Who ever really knows what they are doing in life? How the hell does anyone ever make decisions? Why does every decision I ever have to make make me feel like im going to be ruining the rest of my life?



*Tom is not my partners real name. I doubt anyone will ever read this but just incase!